...BLOG...

Film Review #38: Surgeon Simulator 2013 (game)

Thu, 30 May 2013 20:28:00 -0400

This is the best. The entire thing’s a joke, with a total lack of realism, tons of gore, no rationality, and cheesy techno-hip pump-up 80’s music. Made in a weekend for a game jam and originally released for free, the game spouted so much popularity that something like a month later a full version was released, with the traditional heart transplant from the original along with new kidney transplants and brain transplants, all of which can be performed in the standard stage or in a moving ambulance with dysfunctional doors and a lousy driver who’s going in circles (yes. You can throw someone’s intestines out the door, and about a minute later you’ll drive by them again.) There’s also a semi-hidden space level for heart transplants only.
The tools of destruction include power drills, bone saws, hammers, pencils, spoons, laser-cutters, scalpels, and a tomahawk, among other things. Now, the game isn’t some ultra-morbid shindig… While it is dark and obscenely bloody, it’s hilarious. Just insane, really. Gameplay is intentionally, lovably clunky (the player controls one hand with five keys and the mouse) and ultimately panicked, particularly in the ambulance, with organs flying about amidst running power drills and saws, all of which are ultimately out of your control as the rogue ambulance careens down the road, leaving you only the option to grab what you can and finish the job before a live buzz saw happens to fall on the patient’s, say, face, or something.
Yes, it sounds horrible. Just look it up. PLEASE, look it up. This has got to be the most lovable game of all time.
The game’s also loaded with little easter eggs and nick-knacks.
For example, you get achievements for making different signs with your hand, you can electrocute yourself (and thus invert the controls) by sticking a metal object in a power socket, and you get get high by accidentally injecting yourself with the green syringe, only curable by stabbing oneself with the blue one. It’s just a mess, really.
GO. Go now, and just watch a gameplay vid.

Film Review #37: Sub Rosa (game)

Thu, 30 May 2013 20:27:55 -0400

Hey there, not sure if I’ve already reviewed this, but here we go anyway. Sub Rosa is a free indiegame made by the 1-man company CrypticSea, based in SF (YAAAAY). It was made for the 7-day-FPS gamemaking challenge, in which people made First-Person-Shooter games in a week, then submitted them.
Anyway. The game’s brilliant. The graphics are nothing special (aside from the vector-based shadows, infinitely sharp, brilliant) and the gameplay has no individual add-ons, perks, whateverthehell kinda crap people add to games to make them good, but ultimately, it’s most certainly one of my favorite games.
You play as an “agent” playing for one of three companies, and, working with your team, you try to attain certain items or cash over the course of the game by negotiating with other teams. Yes, actual negotiating: one team may be given 3 “stacks” of cash, whilst another gets a black floppydisk. The first team will make extra money should they get this disk home, and the second team wants to trade the disk so as to get the cash from the other team. Sometimes it goes well, and the two teams return home with their predetermined goals. Sometimes… Not so much. The team with the cash may try to keep the cash and the disk as well, by, say, giving the other team an empty briefcase and making a run for it. Usually it’ll just turn into a gunfight/car chase. Then there’s the fact that there’s a third team, who may not be given any cash and is just out to steal everything. Tensions run high: teams will watch for hidden enemy players, how many guns the enemy carries, where they and their getaway vehicle are placed, and whether the enemy has their firearms drawn. If they do, it’ll usually end badly.
There are a couple different gametypes as of now, though the game is still in development. In “Acquisition” all the teams attack armed CPU cars traveling with briefcases from one end of the map to the other, and try to gain specific disks. Usually a total bloodbath. Then there’s a standard trade, in which one or two teams are given cash and the third is given a disk, and the third tries to trade with one while keeping away from the other. Of course, everyone is free to take whatever they please, so you never know how it’ll turn out. Finally, there’s “3-way deal”, in which each team gets a disk, and needs another disk held by another team, with a secondary objective for the last disk. Usually goes somewhat well with a trade. There’s also a race mode.
The teams will fill up sometimes, sometimes not. Sometimes everyone’s on one team just to make cash, with which to buy stocks in their company (make more money in the future by winning, or lose even worse), or buy vehicles, weapons, or bandages for the next round. Sometimes two teams are occupied, sometimes three. The game types engage based on how many teams are occupied.
Now, an actual critique:
This game is fun. Ridiculously fun. It’s intense, too, full of the most genuine gunfights and car chases I’ve ever seen in a game, no kidding. People can bleed out, headshots are instant-kill… And no respawning until the next round. It’s great. There also aren’t any hidden perks that give some players advantages over others, aside from more powerful guns, the best of which is still really cheap. The community’s rather small and thus tightly knit… Nearly everyone’s friends with everyone.
Nearly.
There are 2 problems with this community.
1. The game has a relatively large community of Brazilians. This in itself is, of course, not a problem. The problem is that rarely do the players from the US and Brazil share a language, and this has led to a LOT of miscommunication, team-killing, mistrust, and all-around racism. We’re working on it, though.
2. There are these people. Trolls. They’re made up of either assholes just there to Team Kill everyone on their team right off the bat, or people who have become so ridiculously rich in the game that they simply don’t give a damn about the money penalty for team killing, and do it just because they can.
Yeah. Those have proven rather annoying, but, as I said, better communication and reputation systems are being developed to counteract this crap. If you have ANY kind of computer I advise you get this game. It should run on any decent computer insanely well, and it’s free.

Film Review #36: Dexter (show)

Thu, 30 May 2013 20:27:13 -0400

Now that I’ve got that out of my system, it’s time to look at DEXTER! Disregarding all the above atrocities, the show is actually quite good. Characters are ultimately unique, and the protagonist is likable, something becoming more and more rare nowadays. Frankly, it is quite bloody, but hey, it’s a show about a serial killer. Don’t watch this expecting it to relent. It generally doesn’t. Lots of stabbing and blood splatters.
That said, it is, indeed, quite intriguing. The storyline goes into both the past and the future, and ultimately makes a show of Dexter’s psych.
Cinematography is sharp, clean, and plays well in context. Writing’s pretty good as well, as far as I can tell, but hey, I’m not the most perceptive in such things. I’m on season 3 as of now and not once have I lost interest… That shows some promise, though it really ensures little. We’ll see.
I do indeed recommend this show, though, of course, your fellow audience should be aware that it is, in fact, CERTAINLY destined for adult audiences. ADULT AUDIENCES.

Film Review #35: Women in lots o modern TV

Thu, 30 May 2013 20:26:33 -0400

This post includes a lot of swearing and a lot of stuff that may cause insult. Believe me, it is NOT intended for such. This is a post about how women are PORTRAYED, and how much it enrages me.
-
-
-
This is a review of the motherfucking writing/publishing community of the Television business, particularly those of fictional TV shows. In fact, it’s more of a rant. A rant about women.
    Now, in this, I mean not women, but the characters into whom they’re cast. I’ve been noticing more and more a trend of sexist stereotypes arising in a lot of the shows I watch, which ultimately makes me begin to hate said shows. That really pisses me off… They’d be brilliant, but NO!
    I’m going to start with Dexter, a fictional TV show about a serial killer who’s honed his skills for the killing of other serial killers. All in all it’s a great show, with an intriguing story, fair/good editing/cinematography, and dynamic characters- wait. Nope. SOME dynamic characters. All the females more or less follow a of stereotype that’s somehow developed among the writers… The stereotype judging women as conniving, conspiring, over-reactive, moody BITCHES. I hate to say it, but that’s the word. Asshole, winger, take your pick, but “bitch” seems to be rather recurring in this world and ultimately likely stemmed this horrid stereotype, and so. What the fuck! It’s sexist, inaccurate, offensive, and, frankly, quite annoying. There is not one female character in the show (except one, who’s, like, 9 years old) who does not follow this stereotype. It’s bullshit, and, frankly, it ruined a great part of the show for me.
    The same goes for some characters in Lost, The X-Files, plenty of other shows I’ve recently watched but my mind has neglected to recall, and tons of movies. Honestly, the only show that fully ignores this stereotype may be The Wire.
I dunno. My mind isn’t working right now, I’m not remembering things correctly, but… STILL. Again, I meant no insult with this post, I know plenty of female people and they’re all just fine. This is mostly based around what Dexter made of women.

My alt. assignment was to finish mah film, finish another, and...

Mon, 27 May 2013 12:54:41 -0400

My alt. assignment was to finish mah film, finish another, and make some interludes. Well, since I’ve been slaving over the former two, I’ve decided to get some interlude work done… This is one. They probably won’t be as weird… Just stuff based off dreams and such I’ve had, with nice, epic soundtracks. This one will probably use a bit of the song “Motion Picture Soundtrack”, by Radiohead. Again, proof I’m doing work.

Proof that I am, in fact, working, ALL THE TIME. Character has...

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:59:30 -0400

Proof that I am, in fact, working, ALL THE TIME. Character has yet to be finished/rigged, but the toughest part (the helmet) is finished.

Current project: update

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:02:37 -0400

So, because animation is a total LKASDFHS, it’s gonna take forever, and since completing two full-length animated films in a month is something just a bit past insane, I’m gonna finish the one I’m working on now, and then another previous unfinished one… Probably the one from much earlier in the year, with the Albany Bulb and all. Then I’ll make a bunch of ridiculous interludes, a SUPER-short film, a short trailer for something, etc. I dunno. One of those.

And now for something completely different...

Tue, 14 May 2013 18:01:36 -0400

A man with three buttocks.

Anyway.

The film I’m theorizing now is a bit extensive, but frankly I’ve been lazy recently and I need to get my shit together, so I might as well do it for this project. The film is based about 72 years from now. The US split into factions, and after a period of small-scale nuclear war over the remaining fossil fuel sources located in Ohio, the states were split and in shambles. Then, Canada comes in and takes over, after joining Russia, Korea, China, and India in a new alliance born to fight invasions from desperate oil companies and their hired mercenaries looking for sources in the East. These were weak powers, and the new alliance, the NEOA, overthrew them easily, powered by self-produced nuclear and geothermal power. The NEOA had gone ahead and expanded through the Americas.

Anyway. Onwards. The NEOA rebuilt the International Space Program after it was neglected and forgotten in the turmoil of world war, and set to colonizing extraterrestrial bodies, starting with the moon. Martian colonies, once established, began creating a web of communication satellites around the sun, constantly transmitting messages seeking communication with extraterrestrial life forms. They did their job, and an extraterrestrial force did indeed come to Earth, seeking to bring Earth under their wing as a colony, in exchange for the establishment of an outpost on Earth. Earth was struggling at this point with severe overpopulation, and power was becoming a problem, with many older power plants failing and not many educated enough or willing enough to fix them. Starvation ran rampant was well. However, Earth declined the offer, and so the Aliens began to attack… Military targets, anyway. The Earth fought back fiercely, but was ultimately losing.

This is where the film begins. The protagonist is a theoretical metaphysicist, whose theories gained interest from the NEOA’s military center for use in a superweapon to launch into orbit and ultimately the center of the extraterrestrial fleet. This protagonist lost his family and friends a while back to a mechanical failure in one of the power plants where they had worked (he had just been fired for sleeping on the job) and ultimately suffered from severe delusions and slight insanity. He’s sick of the government and their abuse and neglect of the people, and so he agrees to help them develop the weapon, but then sabotages it, causing it to obliterate most of the NEOA’s AA craft.

The end.

It’s a weird film, and I doubt I’ll be able to pull it off, so I’m also conceptualizing several other ideas. Frankly, what I’d most like to do is finish the film I’m working on now, which has been somewhat severely delayed due to computer failure. However, I could extend it quite a bit… Yeah. I dunno.

FILM PROGRESS!

Mon, 06 May 2013 15:41:23 -0400

I’ve been a bit impeded of late making films, but now that I’ve got a functioning computer, I’ve gotten some work done… Currently I’m making two films:

1. Silence (working title), animated

2. “Bella” short documentary, live-action

Now, first, Silence. Based on a space station, on which everything has gone to, for lack of a better word, shit. I’ve got 3 shots done:

A) Station fly-thru 1

Just gotta add some just and light rays, which I attempted, but a glitch has called for some troubleshooting, yet to be finished.

B) mp3 player shot (2 frames)

Nice bokeh blur, flashing lights, a mutilated, twitching arm… It’s nice. Some eery sound to boot. Just got to add the space background in the window. Might add some smaller details later.

C) Station flyby 1

Lots of post-processing and lens flare. The earth looks weird because I forgot to pack the Earth texture, but once I have that back in it’ll be finished.

Yep. Still a lot to do, but this was not easy.

Anyway… The BELLA documentary. A fictional mockumentary about my dog being hellspawn, incuding interviews/voiceovers by my mother about living with Bella, and some shots of Bella levitating and giving frighteningly effective death glares to insects (might use CG, maybe just some fishing wire and small toy-insects… We’ll see), and some other stuff. Once it’s fully storyboarded I’ll probably be able to shoot the thing over the course of a weekend, editing and such taking maybe a week or two more.

Film Review #34: Call of Duty: Modern warfare 3 (game)

Mon, 06 May 2013 15:26:23 -0400

This game… This game right here. For the record, the companies who make the Call of Duty games (Treyarch and Infinity Ward) have produced a grand total of ONE credible game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Yes, 2. The thing had insane replay value, with fluid controls, a wide range of weapons, equipment, etc., and decent-enough graphics. What Modern Warfare 3 did was:

-take Modern Warfare 2, and:

—replace all but one of the maps with worse ones will excessive invisible walls and kill boundaries,

—redesign the joystick controls rather poorly,

—make the aim-assist (which you can’t disable) rather hindersome,

—add three new gametypes (survival, infection, and face-offs) which were actually decent,

—leave the graphics entirely the same aside from increasing buffer shadow sizes on single-screen and ultimately removing shadows on split-screen,

—and, of course, changing the weapons, campaign, etc.

Altogether, it’s decent. Decent. I might call it even with Modern Warfare 2… Maybe a wee bit better or worse, but that depends on your personal taste in gaming. Find a chance to get both for like $1.50 and play ‘em both, if you’re an FPS kinda person. This is probably the definitive FPS… The Call of Duty series, that is.

Film Review #33: Top Gear (British TV show)

Mon, 06 May 2013 15:14:07 -0400

Funny show, with a pretty constant composition. Three main hosts, one of which is a bit of an idiot, one of which is a bit boring, one of which is a bit racist and predictable. However, they’re all at least somewhat likable, and it’s interesting to see what they do in the show (each episode poses some somewhat obscure, automobile-based challenge to these three hosts). They also bring up some celebrity guest, who drives a lap on their track in a “reasonably priced car”…. Everything’s peppered with jests, jives, and dry humor. Very British. However, over everything, it is indeed a car show. All together pretty good.

Film Review #32: We Were Soldiers

Mon, 06 May 2013 15:09:05 -0400

Quite cheesy, but a pretty great war movie. Violent and unrelenting… Lighting was questionable (somewhat cheesy and VERY stylized/aesthetic) but characters are well-defined, unique, and likable. Cinematography was just a grade above action movie standard, mixed with drama. Acting’s nice, but Mel Gibson’s still a racist sonuvabitch, so I found it hard to like his character… The character was really predictable and overly “heroic”/”romantic”/CHEESY. I suppose that’s what you get from a movie of such a time period. Interesting that the film looks at multiple perspectives: that of the soldiers on the front, that of the soldiers at home, that of the families of the soldiers (both the protagonist’s allies and enemies), and that of the Vietnamese (the enemy, in this case).

Film Review #31: Primer

Mon, 06 May 2013 15:01:00 -0400

Primer. Mindfuck film to the max, introducing a twisting paradox of time-traveling madness woven into the plot. I just wrote a long bit about this, and then it deleted it. Great quality, given a fund of $7k. Cinematography’s nice, nothing particularly brilliant, acting (and everything else) is a bit geeky, lighting is well-used and diverse. The smallest details are the most valuable to the comprehension of this film.

'Marley' thingamajig

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:10:12 -0400

1. Interview with “Sledgo” Peart (cousin of Marley)

Sledgo talked about a range of topics, mostly centered around Marley’s struggle in childhood, whilst sitting outside some sort of semi-urban shack. The camera work was pretty much a consistent direct steadycam of Sledgo’s face, though once the camera panned over a few of his fellow locals before coming to rest on him, perpendicular to the side of the building Sledgo leaned against. B-roll ranged from the occasional steadycam sweepover landscape shot to quite a few close-ups of the people and places where Marley grew up. The audio was very clean, only softened by the occasional environment sound, like leaves rustling. The sharp focus worked quite well, and while a good part of the interview was dominated by B-roll, all the B-roll played well. The one thing: the color cast was somewhat pale and almost blue-tinted, as a result of the soft lighting caused by sun dispersed through clouds (which did work well). However, this pale-blue didn’t match up with just about any other interviews (most of the others were basked more in beige-yellow light)… I may have color-corrected a bit, but I’m not sure.

2. The documentary portrays music as a sort of universal binding force between people, regardless of political views, race, language, etc. (which it is.) Music tends to be more on the pacifistic side in terms of politics, usually as some sort of anti-war propaganda, like many American tunes during the Vietnam and World War eras. Some nice examples (not necessarily American) might be “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones, or “Apple Blossom Time” by the Andrews Sisters.

3. I’d imagine it was tough to get some of the interviews, just given some of the racism going around in the world. Then, of course, there’s the challenge of cramming all the political violence and history that had been going on at the time, without taking away from Marley nor making it seem insignificant, or expressing any biases, whether falsely giving Marley a side on the conflict or presenting the opinions of the filmmakers themselves.

4. The film featured plenty of B-roll and older interviews and reports from the ’70s through the late ’80s. This really helped express the events of the world, along with what the world thought of both them and Marley. They also had some beautiful cinematography… I particularly liked the shots of Trenchtown and the steadycam fly-overs of different Jamaican regions. Beautiful… I think the Trenchtown shots really showed the most, though.

SILENCE, film poster time

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 19:11:47 -0400

Bam! Film poster. The film itself is about the slow destruction/decomposition of a space station, and the visiting repair man sent to see what the hell is going on. Now, what’s going ON is something somewhat semblent of the movie Space Odyssey… Parasites, zombies, fun things. All CG.

The poster’s the first shot, looking down a slightly bloodied, empty, dark space-hallway within the space station. Yeah. I’m not sure about the title yet, but for now “Silence” seems adequate.

Film Review #30: COMEUPOUTDAWAHTA

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:45:22 -0400

Come up out da wahta

liek ay baybe dowfin

Yeah, I’m not gonna write this all down, just watch it, it’s SO BEAUTIFUL. Nice little rap video. Yeah. Eat sauce.

Such flowing, beautiful lyrics… Quite deep, bro. You can feel the emotions, bro, it’s just so powerful… And dem beats, bruh, so saucy like pudding… Yeah. Pudding. And then the animation… Like mah lawd Jesus in screen form… It’s so well done it looks totally real, but you just, like, know that it’s impossible, so you’re like, bro, dat must be CG…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frDamZjCbkI

Obviously, I’m bein’ sarcastic if by some miracle you haven’t noticed yet. But it’s hilarious. So watch it.

Now, apparently this has to have some sort of value as a review, so here. It’s utterly hilarious. Animation’s total crap, but it’s meant to be that way… Clearly, a mockery.

Film Review #29: Super 8

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:32:46 -0400

God, so cheesy. This is the perfect example of why child-actors get under my skin: movies with child actors tend to be cheesy, semi-poorly-written, and very, VERY predictable, even if the children themselves are decent actors, which they rarely are.

Anyway. Super 8 is about this kid who has this group of friends, and one of them’s trying to make a zombie movie, so they all help, but then one time they’re filming and a giant-ass train crashes right where they are, and the MC saw that there was a truck that caused the crash, so he goes and sees that the guy driving the truck had been one of this teachers, so then they go home, and an alien that was in the train goes and wrecks everything because he’s pissed and needs parts for his ship which he’s rebuilding, and the MC likes a girl, one of his friends, but his dad’s a cop and her dad’s got a history, so the dads don’t get along, and then the girl gets taken by the alien, so the MC and some friends go and try to save her, and of course it works, and then the alien finds them and is about to squish them when the MC’s like, bro, you don’t have to do this, or something, so of course the alien leaves them alone and then the girl and MC fall in love and goddamn I hated that movie.

I know I left out parts, but believe me, if you make the mistake of beginning to watch the title sequence you’ll know the entire story. God, so predictable, I hated it…

And the LENS FLARES! All these damn CGI lens flares! They’re so annoying, and they’re all blue, because OBVIOUSLY every light in the movie is apparently blue, despite the fact that the thing has a normal if somewhat dull palette. Nothing special about this movie, in my eyes. Don’t see it. I may be biased, but I’m right in my mind.

Film Review #28: Bernie (2011)

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:20:57 -0400

Basically, this movie’s about a mortician named Bernie who befriends a wickedly mean old widow. This lady is unceasingly cruel, to everyone, and smothers Bernie’s life by keeping him busy as a sort of care-taker. Eventually, Bernie snaps and shoots her, then puts her in a freezer. He proceeds to fool everyone into thinking she’s still alive while he carries on with his life.

Really, this movie isn’t anything amazing: the acting is good, cinematography is fairly standard, ya know. The fact of the setting (Texas) makes for some very southern and somewhat redneck characters on occasion, which cracked me up. However, this is more or less a true story. That’s the catcher… It’s all the same a funny movie, and I advise you watch it.

Film Review #27: Nitro Circus (I'm sorry)

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:08:00 -0400

I’m not really a “Nitro Circus” kinda guy, and frankly to me its a bit repetitive and annoying, but I forgot the damn name of the film I was going to review, so here you go.

Nitro Circus is basically about a bunch of extreme-sportsmen (and non-extreme-sportsmen) who rig up ridiculous stuff (massive jumps, ramps, slopes, whathaveyou) and then go off it with something- anything from jetskis to monster trucks to tricycles will suffice.

To me, it’s really just Jackass, but with people who’ve managed to actually learn how to, say, do jumps on a bike, rather than a bunch of outright idiots who sit around laughing and throwing things at one another, going for “nutshots”.

That just about sums it up. If you like extreme sports gone wrong but still somewhat kept from being fatal, Nitro Circus is for you. Merry Christmas.

Film Review #26: The Fall (2006)

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 12:52:32 -0400

Quite an interesting film. In essence it’s about a suicidal, wounded stuntman back in sometime between the 1920’s and 1950’s who, in order to gain access to a lethal dosage of painkillers for himself, befriends a young girl. To do so he tells her a long and winding tale, metaphoric of his own, which she re-conceives in her mind based off people she’s recently met. It’s a truly beautiful movie. As you might imagine, all the imagery of this “tale” is portrayed in the eyes and mind of this young girl.

The acting and all was good, but what was really striking was the stunning pallet of both colors and scenes. These kinds of epic, unrealistic concepts and visuals are found less and less often as we progress in age, and thus it’s refreshing to see such beauty tied into a much more mature, lugubrious love story (in metaphor, of course).

It is a wee bit cheesy, and the little girl’s acting bugged me at times, but all the same it’s quite nice. I think I just have a problem with young actors for some reason… I dunno. Either way, this is a stupid trailer riddled with spoilers, one of those terrible ones that just tells the whole story. It coulda been much better if they would’ve cut down on the cheesy key dialogue, but hey- what can you do?

trailer you shouldn’t watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUUv20XfDyc

The whole film felt a bit like Moonrise Kingdom, mixed with Pan’s Labyrinth, mixed with … Some other more stoic film. Yeah. The trailer is VERY Moonrise-esque… You’ll see what I mean. BEAUTIFUL